More Precious than Rubies
This is my truth:
I exist because God needed to grow.
It was written for my beautiful and devoted soul (which has been tested) to be pushed beyond extremes to fall out of submission.
Allah Hu Akbar.
There is no doubt. But I am entrusted with needs outside worshipping God. I exist to push the boundaries of the human experience closer to God’s understanding, in fact we all do.
The Creator: like artificial intelligence shows us, when you create and release a product, you forfeit the ability to control it. This is called free will.
Extreme Pain: this is how I arrived at consciousness. There were no more parables. There was no more silver linings—just pain. as a constant.
When I weep, I can hear God weeping too. Reflecting in a wife
He gives me femineity to communicate my truths
outside the gaze of a male.
3. Knowing Thyself: You are born a vessel in the image of God. Imperfectly (due to the human flesh) perfect (your existence is
evidence of what is needed in the world) and stamped by time at this exact speed. There are no mistakes. Knowing your instincts is
your duty. Steering your actions to align with your intentions is your force.
I am muslimah
I am religion—TAM
Who are you in a bag of instincts?
I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again: I have died, but I’m still here living out my days. This is context.
Being dead frees you from dying in the hands of slavery. the rate (of death) only accelerates or decreases—based on lifestyle. So you ask where my value is? I feel it. As inexplicable as it is, I will attempt to give it to you through a story of the woman trillionaire. Beware, this is a hard read:
Trillionaires fought over me in my current state. One ambitious woman won.
Living underground, I arrive outside of gates of what looked like a plot of land. Cameras bite to watch me enter. However, I was surprised to find a beautiful sand-inspired underground vault.
So, she groomed me. She gave me space to see my strength. Made me comfortable being myself. This was her way in.
She controlled everyone around her, including her husband. She couldn’t wait to play with her new toy—me. And eventually I was mind-fucked.
That’s easy to do.
Phase 2: The Breaking. The goal at this phase is to rebuild me in her own will-stopping way. But this is where she fucked up. Humans can only break but so much, then it becomes their new equilibrium, meaning they gain a sense of self in the mess. So here I am, having my world broken (through her tortures)… and I regain consciousness.
To keep a short story short, I ended up dismantling her system because I—a dead person cannot lose anymore control. I simply decrease in life. Allah builds by profound design. So I continue to die and I become stronger in my mind. Aroused by my outburst, she grabs my face & says, “you next.” Only she was surprised to find that I cannot submit to her will. In fact, in rage, I dismantle her entire system by exposing her very own weakness and stripping her of her “strengths,” freeing everyone around me of her control.
Her story? She has her own deficiency, that I’ll spare you the details of, given shame. Anyway, it struck insecurity to her core. That—combined with a “fuck you” amount of money, allows a person to do what they want. Truth is, she would’ve had more use for me as a sex slave, but you know, how that greed gets the best of people..
If I have stolen a piece of your innocence through this story, I am sorry. That was not my intention. This is the real world many of us live in. America—both the veil and the perpetrator—does not allow this kind of information to circulate amongst civilians. “The Dream is to be lived!” I.e. the taxes are to be paid (getting off track). Anyway, I didn’t come to bash America either.
I don’t know why I was chosen to live this way. Allah knows best, and I am grateful for that. But the fact remains that I am dead and therefore alive.
So I write for the extreme pain(ers)—the PTSD(ers) who have lost hope in God and want to make it back.
You must train your flesh to preserve your soul (what’s left of it). For me, Islam is the way.
Grieving yourself is normal. You’ve been through a lot and many people don’t understand. I see you.
